Conrad Liu

Funny story. My freshman and sophomore year, I was always the person that would read every single email that they sent in the pre-health list serv. That’s how I found Kesem and of all the things I read in those emails, it was the only thing I was able to stick with up until my senior year. And it was the kids that drew me into Kesem, that younger demographic. Even though I personally have not been affect by cancer, I wanted to be a part of the space where kids could begin to process and reflect on these things. Youth is a very important time. The experiences that you have then can really shape you, but also how you deal with those experiences and process them can really influence how you go about living your life and shape your decisions, so I wanted to be a part of that healing and processing space.

Kesem was such a unique opportunity to do that. At the time, we were still Camp Kesem-North Carolina, a combined chapter between both Duke and UNC. And while a lot of the features of Camp Kesem have stayed true from when I first started until now, that initial partnership with UNC was a chance to get outside of the Duke bubble and grow and interact with others in our community. That was something that I enjoyed a lot, being able to hang out and plan things and have experiences with people from UNC who just had a different way of seeing the world, but still understanding and recognizing those common goals that we had. Working collectively rather than independently was definitely part of the reason why we were so successful. To be able to interact with our colleagues down the street and have that shared experience that wasn’t just around sporting events, that was unique. When I first joined, it was around 30% Duke affiliated and the other 70% was UNC, but I’ve always been someone who has been comfortable in new environments and I think going into that space and being open and vulnerable forged connections that gave me a much larger network to lean on and support the campers with, it was another reason to stay involved with Kesem. And so even though we eventually split up into Camp Kesem-Duke and Camp Kesem-UNC the follow year, it was only so that we could further the mission and serve even more people and it just made me even more excited to be a part of Camp Kesem and even though we weren’t at the same camps anymore we were still unified and willing to help in whatever way was necessary to further the Camp Kesem mission.

That first year of camp, I was at Camp Keyauwee working with HAP, the oldest age group. I was assigned three kids in that 14-16 age group and honestly I didn’t know what to expect or what to think going in. Some of my most vivid memories that year were the cabin chats. For those who don’t know what cabin chats are, essentially at the end of every night, we would have time, after everyone had gotten ready for bed, where we’d sit down and decompress and talk about the day and whatever else they want to. Those were some of the times I was definitely looking forward to the most that first year because it was a time where I’d be able to know my campers and hear what had been on their mind for the past year and so. But, going into that space, I was trying to lead the conversation and get them to all say certain things instead of being open and willing to listen in whatever capacity that they wanted me to listen, letting them guide the conversation. I mention this specifically because that really influenced how I went about the rest of that first year, focused less on teaching but more on learning from them. My campers had been to camp for 8-9 years at this point so it was really just a learning experience for me. That whole first year was really a humbling experience and I was really grateful to be able to enter into this space with them and have them teach and show me the different parts of their lives that they did choose to open up about. And then there was Empowerment.

My first year, there was a camper named TJ and she was someone that everyone looked up to. At Empowerment, which is a time where we all come together as a camp and talk about the things that are really hard and important, she would go around and give everyone high fives for the 14-year-olds to the 6-year-olds and everyone would be so encouraged by her energy and her joy. But then when she went up on stage and shared, she talked very personally about what it was like to not feel heard and what it’s like to be at school and not be able to communicate with her peers and friends the experience that she’s going through but how everyone in this space did understand and could relate. I think that’s what makes the Kesem environment so great, all the campers who are there really know what it’s like to feel isolated and so everyone enters this space, especially the campers, with this understanding that we are going to be a family no matter what and that I’m not going to let anyone say or do something that will negatively impact one of my friend’s experiences here at camp because I’ve spent way too much time outside of Kesem seeing that happen. That shared mentality of “We’re all in this together”, there’s unity in that. 

Empowerment is humbling. To enter this almost sacred space where empowering things are said, hard things are said, we want everyone to be prepared. And even though I was “prepared” for it, this experience was still so humbling; just to think about what it looks like to listen to someone share something that is so personal and so emotionally provoking that I can’t relate to myself and even if I could, it’s not my experience and it’s not my emotion to share. But, it is my emotion to be with them, to sit with them, to let them know that they are loved and supported even through these hard things. Being in that space and being an outsider, there’s this balance of being in awe of the fact that these campers are so brave to share their experiences and to see how their experiences have shaped them, but it also encouraged me to lean in even more to figure out how I could best support them in the ways that they needed to be supported, thinking not what was best for me but what was best for the campers and how I could be in that space.

In that space, silence is okay. Not having an answer to their pain or a solution has really allowed me to sit and listen and observe which has made me better able to help because I’m able to more thoughtfully engage when it is my turn to speak and to do so in ways that are helpful to them based on what they’ve told me and not just saying what I think is best based on my own personal experience which is vastly different from theirs. Some people talk about a safe space which they believe is the ideal type of environment for Camp Kesem or a small group where people share vulnerable things, but I don’t think it’s always realistic for something to be safe because the act of sharing something that’s really vulnerable might be hard for people to do and they might not feel safe in that and also you have no idea how other people are going to respond to that. So a safe space, that feels like a promise that’s sometimes fraught.

I’ve been thinking about this lately, this idea of a brave space. For someone who’s never shared before, they never know how it’s going to be received. But, the act of being vulnerable and speaking what’s on your heart is brave and bold. And for someone to step up and meet them where they’re at no matter how unprepared we might be shows the power of camp. To say that “I also really feel that and that sucks and I have no answers” and to be be able to sit in that uncertainty and that discomfort but together, that’s what makes this a brave space. And it goes beyond Empowerment, there are other times at camp where things aren’t going well and maybe a kid is having a tough time and you have to tell them that “You are responding to something that is so hard and I’m not trying to imagine I can relate to it, but you are responding in a less than ideal way that’s distancing you from other people, not bringing you closer.” So what does it look like to hear people say or do things or go down paths that you know are not helpful for coping and to try to lean in and say that that’s not the best way to do it. To lean in further and say the hard truth because I care about you is what makes this a brave space; you’re saying these things not to criticize and belittle, but out of love and compassion.

But Kesem is more than just these hard things. One thing that I remember vividly is the talent show my second year. Every year there’s this talent show and anyone and everyone can go up on stage and perform something. It can be a beautiful piano piece that they’ve practiced for forever or it can be just going up on stage and drinking a glass of water or even what one of my campers did and just going up on stage, picking up a chair, moving it to the other side, and then leaving. The performances are great, no matter what it is, and every single person gets a standing ovation. This one year in particular, me and one of my campers, Josh, were just so invested in this. We were sitting in the very back and after every performance we would get up on our feet and scream and cheer at the top of our lungs to the point where I had to ask him to calm down because I didn’t want to hut himself and he was in this boot that went up to his knee that year and I was concerned that he might injure himself. But that was definitely a moment to remember because it was so cool to share that moment with a specific camper but also to support everyone else and give them the attention and the encouragement that they deserve in such a fun and effortless way. That’s something that’s under appreciated a lot of the times, the beauty of a simple encouragement, or the thought that goes into making Kesem what it is. It’s those little things that have a big impact. It’s the impact that we can make by just being present. 

My last year, I was a unit leader, and one of the responsibilities of a unit leader was calling the camper parents and getting them excited for camp and to answer any questions that they might have. And I remember one camper mom talking to me and telling me how she was going through a really hard time telling me how her dad had just passed away and the challenges and the beauty in that, how she was able to take time off from work to care for him in his final moments and how she was then able to be a caretaker for her mom full time and more. This conversation went on for like 30 minutes but at the end she just thanked me for listening and said she couldn’t wait for me to be a doctor. All that just from a phone call; just communicating the impact that Camp Kesem has and seeing how exited it gets the parents makes me so excited to continue to engage. And on that first day of camp, when everyone is so high energy in the parking lot welcoming all the campers to camp as they drive in, I remember there was this one mom driving her kid up and she just had to stop the car and was crying before she let her kid out because she was just so incredibly thankful in advance for this space that is Camp Kesem. So yeah, these memories may be a little random but they all serve as little reminders of the impact that Camp Kesem has on people, even in the little things.

That last day of camp for me was bittersweet. I didn’t cry that much, or at least, I tried not to. There was just so much excitement from me on that last day and so much excitement from the campers. Campers that I didn’t even really talk to or know where coming up to me and saying things like “Oh I can’t wait for you to come back and visit” or “Where are you going to medical school?” things like that show how much these kids care and that was something that I took away from this - how a community can start from simply showing up and smiling and listening. I still remember a lot of those conversations, where they happened in the dining hall, what people’s summer plans were that year and the things they were looking forward to and it made me excited. Even though I would leave and probably never be able to come back and have that same experience, the campers excitement and passion and ability to bring others into that community assured me that Camp Kesem was going to be great no matter which counselors were involved with it.

So for counselors who are in Kesem and for counselors who are just getting into Kesem, see Camp Kesem as that outlet where you’re a part of amazing experiences outside of yourself. This is an opportunity to love others well and to meet people and vulnerable kids where they’re at. Thinking about how that relates to what you’re doing on a daily basis really puts things into perspective. Camp Kesem is a reminder that it’s not about me, it’s about this larger commitment and community. Because Kesem is commonality, knowing that there is this shared experience between others who have been involved with Kesem. Whenever I meet someone who says they did Camp Kesem my shoulders instantly drop and my stress levels drop because I know that we have this shared experience, this shared magic, and this shared space where kids are able to be so brave and courageous and bold. 

-Chris “Bandaid” Lea, Duke University Class of 2018

To hear more about how Kesem and medical school and how Bandaid accidentally revealed his name to all the campers, check out the full interview below!