Conrad Liu

I first discovered Kesem through two counselors, Racket and Pipes. During Blue Devil Days, Pipes was always talking about this thing called Camp Kesem. I didn’t think much of it at the time. But, then over the summer I worked at a tennis camp with Racket and she also mentioned Camp Kesem. And so, during that first Kesem week, Pipes dragged me out to LocoPops on the BC Plaza and I answered some trivia questions for a LocoPop.  How many kids are affected by a parent’s cancer? I ballpark around 20,000 but the actual figure is over 5 million and that continues to be. I still remember that trivia question because it was honestly so shocking.

The summer before my senior year of high school, my grandfather passed of cancer and it was very traumatizing for my family. I was with him in his final moments. It was the first time I had seen someone who was terminally ill and having that be a family member was a lot more difficult. It was also the first time I had experienced the toll that cancer takes on a person and what it looks like. Coming to college a year later, those emotions were still there and very fresh and never fully processed. And then I learned about Kesem. Kesem’s mission and focus on how cancer impacts kids spoke to me and that unimaginable factor of having a parent with cancer and how to address that. So hearing that there was a possibility to be a part of a community that is brought together through an experience with cancer but also works with kids at the same time seemed like a very unique chance for me to do something meaningful. 

And so when I first joined Kesem, it was really interesting. You’re a part of this community now but you’re still in the dark until you get to camp. That year, I remember meeting counselors and running into people who were involved with Kesem and they all have these crazy names and everyone is just really excited about camp. Hearing people talk about it really makes you want to find out more and experience it for yourself. That first training, I remember coming in and now knowing many people in Kesem since I was still pretty new. But Bandaid, another counselor, came up to me and was just so friendly and started talking to me about this HAP group and how great of an experience it was. At the time, I was dead set on wanting to be with 6-9 year olds at camp because I wanted to play with little toddlers all the time but that conversation with Bandaid still made me feel so welcome by him even though he was a senior who had no idea who I was at the time. He just accepted me and brought me in.

And then camp comes around. I ended up in HAP instead of 6-9 and was pretty down but that conversation with Bandaid definitely help me keep an open mind. But on that first day, I remember feeling so nervous like “Oh my god, are these people really trusting us with their kids?” And there was just this crazy energy and everybody was so excited especially the returning counselors. I remember seeing all of these amazing reunions, kids sprinting from their car all the way down to the dining hall to  ambush their counselors with hugs, it was like a big crazy reunion party that never ended as camp continued that week. It was nerve wracking for sure as a first timer but this past year I was so excited to see all of the returning campers and just twice as excited to meet all the new campers coming in. Interacting with parents on that first day was really big too, hearing them talk about how their kids have been counting down the days until camp since last or just reassuring them that Kesem is a unique and incredibly safe and welcoming environment for these kids if this is their first time.

Those moments with the parents right before they leave for the week are just so special. My second year, when I was a unit leader for the 6-9 age group, I had been working with the parents of a first-time camper leading up to camp, helping get them ready for the week. The parents were so nervous and had all sorts of questions leading up to camp and when they got to the campsite seeing all the energy might have frightened them even more. Then I met their daughter and she was the most outgoing and most comfortable kid and in that moment it was like watching two polar-opposites where the parents were so nervous and their daughter couldn’t be more excited to be at camp and try something new. But her parents read their daughters energy in that situation and were told me that they thought she was going to be nervous but she just dove right in and really embraced it. That first introduction to camp and the relief in their eyes as they watched their daughter so relaxed and running around meeting people at camp, that was special. 

But in my first year, one of my campers was also a first-timer and both her parents came with her. They were very shy and nervous and on the older side and I think they were a little skeptical of the whole camp thing. Also at the time, I knew that one of the parents was ill and that whole dynamic was just this sort of uncertainty of what would be happening both at camp and outside of camp that week. Being able to relate my own nervousness with theirs but also to reassure them that this week was going to be fantastic, even if that was a bit of blind assurance on my part since I was this was also my first year, I knew that this was going to be a very unique time for that family.

Camp is fun and all with Messy Games and the Dino Egg Hunt but there’s definitely serious programming here at camp. One thing that we do is something called cabin chats where we set aside a time to chat about how our days went and open up the floor for any campers to talk about anything that’s on their mind and give them the floor. During one of these chats, my camper opened up and told us her story. She talked about how her dad was terminally ill and how he had been estimated about a month to live approximately one month before camp. “I don’t know what’s going to happen this first week of camp. I don’t know if my dad is going to die.” and that stuck out to me because I remembered that this was her first time at camp and that she had never talked about her story before camp. But then to see a connection form between my three campers after that night of sharing, a bond where they really understood each other and were there for one another, especially as that week progressed, that was something. The amount of support that they gave one another and this understanding that the people around them truly could relate to what they had experienced, that was magic. And so during that first Empowerment, I saw my very shy, quiet, sweet camper take the Talking Karl and share her entire story with the whole camp and I just remember being simultaneously being in awe of her courage and also just being an absolute emotional wreck. She was sitting right next to me when she shared and that unbelievable privilege to be able to be a part of that moment and to be there for her and her younger sister at camp was surreal. After she shared she talked about how she found the courage to share through watching the younger campers go up and share their experiences, how unique is that, for an older kid to feel empowered by the younger campers enough to share their own experiences. This two way street of support for one another that spanned across the years, that was the magic.

Coming back to campus that first year, I felt amazing. It really felt like I was riding a high after camp. I felt so empowered and confident in who I was and what I had experienced both in my life and at camp. I felt validated and seen by my fellow community members in Kesem. There was also this feeling of thankfulness, for having made these bonds at camp and for being let into other peoples’ entire worlds. So it was never a question of whether I would do camp again. I’ve made some of my best friends at camp. Kesem evokes the best of every person, it demands the most of you, your energy, your time, your passion, but also your humanity, your empathy, and your ability to be selfless. That’s one of the reasons why I keep coming back and stay involved. It’s for the community of people both at camp and away from camp who are there for you for the highs, the lows, and whatever comes in between. That’s why I serve both at camp and outside camp: as a unit leader at camp and as the Make the Magic Coordinator on campus.

Make the Magic is an evening gala that is essentially a big fundraising event where we invite community members from around the area to join us in celebration and in support of Camp Kesem and our mission. Last year, I cried at Make the Magic. We do a paddle raise to fundraise right after our speakers, a camper family and a counselor, speak about their experiences with a parent’s cancer and the role and significance that Kesem has had in their lives. During that, I remember we asked for our highest donation level for which we already knew for certain there would be one pad. Then, all of a sudden, four paddles shot up. Standing in the back of the room watching what happened, I could only think “Wow, we’ve really broken through to this audience. We’ve touched them and shown them just how important our cause is” and as the paddle raise continued, the paddles kept going up. Seeing that amount of support was just incredible, in the course of one evening, complete strangers to Kesem were brought in and understood the power that this community has and how important it is to us. That was really special.

Camp is really special. It’s a group of people that are brought together by something really terrible and everybody is aware of that and although it’s never explicitly discussed until certain cabin chats or Empowerment, it’s an underlying fact of camp. There are so many campers of all ages and counselors from a lot of different backgrounds which makes camp so diverse but this underlying thread brings everyone together and everybody is so supportive of one another. There’s really a place for every single type of person at camp, whether you’re outgoing or on the quiet side, whether you like arts and crafts or are a secret gamer. Everyone at camp strives to create spaces for every other person around them and I don’t just mean “Come eat breakfast with us”. It’s not just in the dining hall or during activities, it’s consistent, it’s all the time. It’s an incredibly inclusive environment regardless of where you come from, or who you are, or how you communicate. There’s a space for you and everybody strives to create that space. I think that’s what makes this place special, it’s the only place that campers have to connect with others who have a parent with cancer or find a mentor or a counselor who may have experienced something of the same type or something similar and those bonds are really special. Cancer affects everybody. It doesn’t matter your race, gender, sexuality, who you are, or where you come from. It’s nondiscriminatory. And just like that, at Kesem it doesn’t matter if your mom has cancer, or your dad, it doesn’t matter what type of cancer it is. You come to camp and you are there to connect with people and people are here to support you and give you a space where you’re free to be yourself no matter what. That guaranteed love and support that Kesem brings despite the differences is what makes Kesem so unconditional.

So embrace it. If you’re new to Kesem, show up to everything. Go to as many events as possible and try to meet as many new people as you can because you’re going to love having that new friend that you’ll bump into across the quad on campus. Put yourself out there and meet others who are involved because the people are amazing. And if you’re coming back to Kesem, don’t withdraw yourself. The time after camp is a really special moment, you’ve just had this shared experience and you’re coming onto campus and you’re definitely still feeling it. Returners have this responsibility to continue the power of Kesem as new members come through and that turnover of graduating counselors happens. Returners set the tone and that energy so bring that energy not only to camp but to your life when you approach new problems. 

Kesem is loving. Kesem is a support system. Kesem means being your absolute best. Kesem means that you’ll show out for the people around you regardless of your differences and regardless of what you’re going through at that moment. It’s that support for the people around you, constantly and unwavering, that selflessness, that makes the magic. Kesem is significant to each and every single one of us in some way that’s unique but it’s always there. Kesem exists despite and regardless of and will always be there.

-Emine “Net” Arcasoy, Duke University Class of 2021

To hear more about the “absolute chaos” of the naming ceremony, more camp stories, and the 2019 Make the Magic Gala, check out the full interview with Net below!