Conrad Liu

When I was seven years old, my mother passed away from brain cancer. At that age, it’s just so hard to begin to even process what just happened. It felt weird to talk to my peers about that or even other young people, I felt like I had just my family for support and I didn’t want to be a burden on my friends with all that was going on. So when I heard about Kesem, I thought it was a fantastic idea for kids to be able to go somewhere where there’s comfort in solidarity, knowing that all of their peers there are, at some level, going through similar situations. 

I discovered Camp Kesem before I came to college through my brother. He’s three years older and joined when he was at Penn State. After his freshman year, he fell in love and went back again and again, getting more involved. Whenever I visited, a lot of his core friend group was from Kesem and I simply couldn’t find a bad person in Kesem. So, when I was a sophomore at Duke, I decided to check it out. And it was evident from the very beginning that Kesem attracts those genuinely good people. And Kesem’s motto is perfect. As an engineer, I’m always trying to find a solution, looking for a route that gets things done, but Until there’s a cure, there’s Kesem is so great because it acknowledges that there is work to be done but in the meantime we should provide a space for this group. To be a resource for these kids that are going through some really heavy stuff and allow them to be kids for a week? That would be a dream. I think that and my own personal history with cancer is what drove me to join Kesem.

When I first joined Kesem it was really intimidating. When you show up to the events and programs you see all these other people and how ridiculously close they are with one another and that’s something you rarely see in college. You don’t feel like an outsider though, no one is trying to invalidate you, but they’re all insanely close to each other and some one them have only known each other for two days. I just wasn’t at that level. But then through all the events throughout the year like Giving Tuesday rally, GBMS, and even training you grow closer to these people and build friendships and everything starts to come together. Then there’s camp.

That first day is amazing. It’s just energy. That Kesem magic. The Kesem magic for me is that family between the campers and the energy of the counselors. So much energy. It’s just a chain of energy running through us that allows us to be at 100% for every camper every day and it’s absolutely amazing. That energy is so abundant on that first day when the counselors go running out and greeting families and screaming for hours. Bringing the campers and unloading their cars is just so spectacular. I loved being the guy that just ran up to the cars. If you have one parent dealing with cancer it’s really hard for the other parent too and so being the first person to say hi and seeing the faces of the parents was something else. The relief on their faces knowing that they were sending their kids off to a good place, that was amazing. And it was even more fun to see the kids who weren’t excited yet because I just knew that in a couple of days they would be completely into it. And that’s just the first day.

That first year I had two campers, Brady and Evan. I really appreciated them both. Evan is the type of kid who is literally other kids’ fathers even though he’s younger than them. A calming presence for everybody.  One time, Evan fell into the lake when his kayak just tipped over and had to swim back over. Tadpole and I had to lift him out of the water and he just smelled terrible because the water was disgusting so I had to take a hose and just spray him down for two minutes outside the cabins. It was moments like those that were so fun. Brady, one the other hand, had a little bit of harder crust around him. So with Brady, a lot of what I wanted to show him was that things don’t have to be black and white, not to teach him but to mentor him towards this expanded view.  One night during a cabin chat, I decided to share my story because I thought it might open up the conversation and make them feel a little less nervous since they had only know me for three days at this point. After hearing it, Brady just had this moment where turned to me and said “I didn’t know that” and then said that his mom had also died of brain cancer. That was a really big moment for us because there’s that shared common experience and I think he felt more comfortable  around me after that moment and respected me because I just felt more genuine to him.

But what I tried to do in four days was nothing in comparison to what another camper was able to do in 30 seconds. After Brady had shared at Empowerment and all of HAP (age group 14-16) was at the bonfire, Carrie shared. I had never seen her have a conversation with Brady but she shared that Brady was her strength and that she really appreciated  his vulnerability. That was huge. Carrie’s only 14. Here we have a 14 year old talking to a 15 year old at this level and I’ve never even seen them interact before. Brady couldn’t control himself after that and I turned and watched him as he became a wreck because he felt an overwhelming sense of family. Carrie’s few words had done more  for Brady than I ever possibly could and that’s ok. Brady has never shared before in his 3 years and to see the response from the other campers the one time he did and all that affirmation, that just made him a completely different person the next day. And that’s the number one thing that I took out of camp, just the way the campers treat each other because it’s not what I expected. They are a family unit. They look after each other. They affirm each other. They love each other. They validate each other. And they pick each other up. To me, that’s just remarkable.

And then on that last full day of camp, it just feels as if a huge weight has been lifted off everybody’s back and you need to release and have a good time. Color Wars is the perfect way to do that and everyone is so comfortable with each other now that they have no problem hitting you with a shaving cream pie or yelling at you to belly flop. I loved that. But camp has to end at some point.

Those last moments of camp were sad because I didn’t know if I would be able to see some of my campers again, but it was also peaceful. We came, we had our week together, and now it was time to reenter the real world and hope that the things that happened in this one week would go with you. And this isn’t just any week of the year, this is the best week of the year that makes all the other weeks better. It felt peaceful on that last day because I was confident that that had happened for a lot of the campers and I was so glad to send them out back into the real world before next year.

Kesem is a family in the truest sense of the word. Everything that you would want in family which is not necessarily just having a fun time with people, but acceptance, love, validation, and not having to be someone else around them. That nonverbal understanding is so present at camp from the counselors but especially from the campers. It’s very much a family unit. So be yourself. The bottom line is that you’re always accepted at camp. Those walls that you build up are going to come down so make it sooner later and you’ll thank yourself for it because what these campers need most isn’t someone to watch over them, just someone that actually cares about them. That’s what Kesem is about. That’s the Kesem magic.

-Will “Penny” Durbin, Duke University Class of 2021

For an in-depth recounting of the bonfire story as well as why A/C is a gift at camp, check out the fill interview with Penny below!