“We throw around the word magic, but no one really knows what that is or what the embodies. But saying that Kesem is EVERYWHERE gives you a better idea. Kesem is that support group. It’s the week of camp you just drill through and exhaust yourself over to give these kids the best week of their lives. Kesem is being vulnerable and sharing those uncomfortable stories with each other. By saying Kesem is everywhere, you break out from just Kesem being for that group of kids who have been affected by a parent’s cancer and empower anyone who has anything to do with Kesem whether it’s a donor, faculty advisor, camper, or counselors. It shows that Camp Kesem makes a difference anywhere it goes.”
My grandfather passed away from lung cancer when I was in middle school and that took a toll on my mom. Being an immigrant family, you’re removed from other relatives so it was really hard. When I look back on it, it was so hard because she doesn’t really get the opportunity to go back home to Korea often because of how expensive it is. I think that was my main motivation for joining Kesem, seeing how cancer affected my mom when she was 40 and thinking how it just might affect these children and teenagers who are going through the same thing at a much younger age.
So freshman year there was this barbecue on East Camp. Pop, Crackle, and I were just looking for free food and so we ended up there. We didn’t have a clue what organization was hosting this but we ended up meeting some incredible seniors that got us interested in Kesem and gave us our first view of it. That sense of community for people who are touched by cancer was why I applied. It was definitely because my friends were applying and how incredible the people who were leading it at the time were but that was before camp. Once I actually got to experience camp, I quickly realized how impactful and what a difference Kesem makes on these kids lives.
That first year I was so nervous going into camp, I just didn’t know what to expect. These are kids going through issues that are way bigger than things that we can face. I couldn’t imagine going through it myself. But I think it worked out on its own, because one of my campers was a veteran who had been there for 3-4 years and when he saw me he said “I haven’t seen you before, are you new? and I said I was and he said “Cool, I can show you around because I’ve been for many years” and that was honestly a huge relief because it takes the stress of having to ease a child who may be going through a lot into an environment that they may not want to be in. That made a huge difference that first year, having a camper who on his own was super welcoming and realized I was new and wanted me to be comfortable because he was already comfortable and that made the transition so much easier and allowed me to focus on my other camper who was new and sometimes did get homesick and experience other issues. It was nice having someone to piggyback off of who wasn’t a counselor. But at the end of the day, they’re still 10-11 years old.
One of the things that I brought with me that first year was an Eno, and the 10-11 guys absolutely loved it. They would compete to see who could sit in it for a little bit and would always rotate on it during FOB (Feet on Bed) times. That really stuck out to me because something as small as a hammock really got them pumped and got the day going. It just goes to show that you don’t have to be this super experienced counselor with everything ready to go. Something as simple as a hammock or a deck of cards can really go a long way. That says a lot about the camp environment in general, where you just make do with what you have and it’s more about the people who are there and less about what you do while you’re there.
Sunshine is a perfect example of that. Everyone at camp knows and loves Sunshine, but, for some reason, she was naturally drawn to the Snap, Crackle, Pop trio. Anywhere we were, she was there and she would forcibly find all three of us so she could hang out with all of us. That has and will always stick with me because I barely knew her at the time, she barely knew us, but she was just so drawn to hanging out with us that she was willing to go out of her way to make it happen. Her joy, loving personality, and sass were just so great. And then there was this other camper, Simran, in my second year of camp. The way that she just carrier herself was so cool to see and she would bring an instrument and play it so nonchalantly and wow us all. She was always so curious and asked questions about everything. Those are the types of people that make camp. And it’s the counselors too. My first year in the 10-11 age group there was this other counselor named Turf and he basically became a mentor for me as the year went on. He would help me with all of my pre-med things and he was also one of the guys who got me to rush ATO later on. And even though he’s graduated and been gone for two years, I still text him and ask him things and catch up. It’s just crazy how these relationships that you build at camp last forever.
And then of course there’s Empowerment. Going into the week, a lot of the 10-11 campers told me that Empowerment was their favorite part of the week and in my mind I didn’t understand why that would be when it’s a time to share some pretty emotional stories and other personal things. I remember the night before they briefed us and talked about how it would be a really emotional time so I was preparing for the worst. But once I was there and hearing all of these things and seeing everything around me, I understood why. The stories that were shared definitely puts things in your life in perspective and how no matter what’s going on, there is something good that comes out of it. And I know that they say that these stories are not for you, but I was always so drawn to hearing what these campers shared because it says a lot about their character and how resilient and strong they are. And then at the end, they play this song Never Alone and it’s like the final dagger to your heart and you break down and are like “Wow, this is actually happening. It’s not a dream.” Even if you don’t have a cancer story, everyone goes through hardships in life and you can always find something to relate to the stories they share it makes you think about the hard times you’ve personally gone through and the resilience required to get out of it. And then when we broke up into our individual groups, the kids started a circle without us doing anything and started going around saying things that they like about each camper. For them to be uplifting each other rather focusing on themselves in this vulnerable time really shows you just how incredible these people are. That’s the moment when you realize why you do Kesem, at first it might be personal motivation or just for the friends, but soon you realize that you’re there for these kids and to serve them and that’s what leads into making Friday and Saturday of camp the best as we end the week with some incredible games and activities.
But camp has to end and we have to say goodbye. I think it was a little easier for me because I’m personally not a very attached person and even more so because I knew that these kids would leave camp in a better place than when they arrived because they had each other, not because of us. It was also nice to know my kids were going to be there the following year and that it wasn’t a goodbye, it was a see you later next year and the year after that and the year after that. They made it seem like I was going to be there forever even though I could only be there for four years but that optimism when those kids left is amazing. Instead of a sad goodbye, it’s an optimistic outlook on the next year.
And that’s why I go more involved, because I saw how much of a difference that we made on both campers and counselors. One counselor in particular that I remember is Anchor. She was super involved and I was on her Development committee when I first joined and I think hearing her story got me more motivated to apply to exec, hearing that she struggled with her own mental health issues but that one of her biggest tools to fight back was the community that Kesem was, being able to work towards providing that. I saw just how much Kesem had grown in one year and I wanted to see it grow from there. And now, you see Kesem’s growth at Duke, it’s unreal. Freshman year, I would have never imagine that this past year we would have raised over $72,000 on Giving Tuesday, that’s incredible. So I joined the exec board and was the Development coordinator for two years and at camp I served as the programming coordinator for the past two years.
Personally, I’ve always been keen on the behind-the-scenes work. I never wanted to be the face of things, but wanted to help in any way that I could. Even in sports, I was the workhorse of the team who would want to stay on just because I wanted to be there. And so development fit that perfectly. Development isn’t necessarily directly helping the campers, we don’t send them care packages or letters or stuff, but we’re fundraising to make all this stuff happen. Without development you have no camp, no resources, nothing and that type of work drew me in. Even with my lack of experience I knew that doing whatever I could do, whether that’s raising $10 or $10,000, would help make camp happen. It’s that behind-the-scenes work that makes an impact everywhere else. For A-Team at camp, it’s the same thing. I love the campers but I love working behind-the-scenes more. At camp, you never really know what A-Team does and I always got the question “What do you do at camp?” whenever people saw me walking around with just my walkie-talkie. I always try to joke whenever they ask me that and change it up, “Oh I’m just here. Oh I’m just the water boy” but honestly I enjoy that because the work I do helps Kesem run. The satisfaction of just filling a cooler for these kids and seeing them go to it and have no clue who did it or how it’s there or even why, seeing that impact of something as simple as filling up a cooler is great. But being on A-Team is also really rewarding besides the sometimes brutal work everyday. On A-Team you get to meet so many more people and experience a lot of things that you wouldn’t have been able to as a counselor. It’s exhausting for sure but it’s so rewarding. I think at this point that’s just my role in the Duke chapter. There’s no question how great it is and how important it is and Scatter, our former director who came back this past year, told us that without A-Team none of this would be possible, that just shows the impact that the work we do has. That unseen power from the work we do, the kids we serve, and the support system that’s built both at and out of camp, that’s just magic.
You don’t have control over a lot of things in life and that really takes a toll, but what matters most is how you fight back and I think Kesem’s a place for that to happen. That’s what makes Kesem magical. So for new counselors, be vulnerable. Kesem is a super fun organization and everyone in Kesem is great but a big part of being in Kesem is being vulnerable. You’re experiencing life with these campers who are going through a rough time and you need to be open-minded of the things you experience and of the people around you and be willing to give yourself to the people around you. Have that deep conversation with one of your other counselors at 3PM on a Tuesday at camp, I think that’s the easiest way to build the bonds that you need for Kesem to run and be that light that drives Kesem forward. For returning counselors, don’t get too comfortable, it’s easy to just coast after you’ve done a few years of camp but if you’re not pushing camp forward you’re holding it back. Make it the best it can be and make the magic.
We throw around the word magic, but no one really knows what that is or what the embodies. But saying that Kesem is everywhere gives you a better idea. Kesem is that support group. It’s the week of camp you just drill through and exhaust yourself over to give these kids the best week of their lives. Kesem is being vulnerable and sharing those uncomfortable stories with each other. By saying Kesem is everywhere, you break out from just Kesem being for that group kids who have been affected by a parent’s cancer and empower anyone who has anything to do with Kesem whether it’s a donor, faculty advisor, camper, or counselors. It shows that Camp Kesem makes a difference anywhere it goes. For me, that means a lot because I have a Kesem tattoo so anywhere I go, Kesem is there, written on my body. Four years of Kesem, you definitely take away something and I think Kesem is everywhere is the perfect embodiment of anything that you take away from Kesem, booth good and bad, and how you can push that forward to spread even more love and power.
-Jason “Snap” Kim, Duke University Class of 2020
To hear more behind the scenes stories of A-Team and some sage advice, check out the full interview with Snap down below!