Conrad Liu

Cancer has always played a big role in my life and has affected many people around me. Growing up, I had an aunt who had breast cancer. In college, a really close friend of mine passed away from cancer my sophomore year. So, when I first heard about Kesem from some friends who were involved, I knew I wanted to do it and applied as soon as I could while abroad. 

When I came back from Australia, I felt right at home. Right away, everyone I talked to was so positive and I could already feel the impact that Kesem has on everybody and knew that it was one of the best things that I could have been involved in on campus. This was only further affirmed during training in an activity called “Warm and Fuzzies” where we would all write our names on paper plates and then go around writing down things about everyone. By the end of the activity, when I saw my plate and all the comments from people I knew and so many people that I had yet to meet, I just felt all the love and positivity; it truly made me feel amazing and that right there was the first taste of the Kesem magic. I couldn’t wait for camp to come!

But then camp, camp was something else. On that first day, I was so nervous, I didn’t know if my campers were going to think they were too cool since they were older (ages 14-16) or if I was going to be able to handle it as a first-year counselor. But all those worries were blown away as soon as the first campers showed up. The joy and enthusiasm that everyone had… I couldn’t stop smiling. This feeling of euphoria that I had from the moment camp started couldn’t be matched by anything else.

And then, there’s the rest of camp… From the small moments like frog stacking and dining hall dances to the bigger moments like the talent show and messy games, Kesem is a place where you really feel like a kid. I’m 22 almost 23 but, at camp, I feel like a 10 year old running around just having fun. The kids, they see that energy and how free you are to be yourself and realize they can also be themselves. They look forward to this week all year because they’re so excited to be themselves because the world can be a really tough place, but at Kesem, there’s this magical and unreal environment where everyone has an unreal understanding for each other.

Then there’s Empowerment. Empowerment is a designated time at camp where any camper is able to go on stage and talk openly and freely about really how their parent’s cancer has affected them. It’s a safe and inviting space and just hearing people go up there and be brave and tell their stories is something else. Even though we’ve known these campers for less than a week, the environment that Kesem creates is so powerful that you feel like you’ve known them for years. That’s the Kesem magic. To hear these kids, especially the kids ages 6-9, talking about how “Mommy/Daddy is sick” is gut-wrenching. But the fact that they’re comfortable enough with you to share their story and spill their hearts out is an incredible feeling. Even the campers that didn’t share but were just there with everyone else was moving because it showed everyone who was sharing that they weren’t alone. There’s just this sense of sadness from seeing all these campers share their stories that tore my heart out. But, at the end of it, everyone is hugging and crying together and it just feels so unreal. I was filled with so many different emotions; sadness, happiness, I was proud of my campers, I was anxious, just so many things at once but it truly was powerful.

For all these kids that share, I’m always so proud and grateful that they’ve chosen to share their stories with me. I try to put myself in their shoes and every time I do I simply can’t imagine it. These kids are anywhere from 6 to 16, I’m 22 turning 23, but these kids have gone through so many harder times than I have, and I’m overcome with shock over how strong these kids are… these kids are superstars, rockstars. So powerful…

When camp ended, the first thing I did immediately after coming home was call my mom and tell her that I had just experienced the best week of my life that had changed me for the better. Kesem is just one of those things that I fell in love with, so much so that whenever people need help and they mention Kesem I’ll drop everything I’m doing in a heartbeat.

My biggest regret is not having joined Kesem earlier. It’s the best thing that I’ve ever done. Kesem has such a powerful presence in my life and in the lives of everyone who is involved and I don’t know how I’ll be able to leave the campsite, the kids, and Kesem after this last summer. It’s an incredible atmosphere and incredible environment. Kesem is such a special place for me and every moment that I’m with Kesem, I cherish it with my entire heart.

-Ryan “Tadpole” Fader, Duke University Class of 2020

For an in-depth explanation of frog-stacking and messy games as well as why Kesem is Powerful, check out the full interview with Tadpole below!